Autube

Things are easier now than the first few years after diagnosis (we are at year 4 post diagnosis now). But it hadn't really dawned on me that this is so until I saw this month's video question and read the responses. So first, let me say thank you to everyone here at Autube who helped bring this lovely fact to my attention.

Sure, we have the usual dilemma of what to give my daughter, the insensitive family members who say ignorant and hurtful things, the confusion of no school during break, etc., etc. But my husband and I have worked out how to enjoy the family party by evenly splitting time between the two party areas so that we can both enjoy the guests and let our daughter be where she wants to be and still be safe. Unemployment forced us to keep gifts incredibly simple this year which led to inspired gift ideas that seemed to really make an impact on our children (with and without autism). And I finally learned that people just have to accept how we live (not spotless house and all) if they want to come over. And you know what? Except for the obnoxious family members mentioned earlier, everyone who visited this year had a blast and so did we, including my beautiful 6 year old child with autism. Thank goodness she loves Christmas carols!

There are certain traditions that are universal for holidays celebrated this time of year...whether it is Christmas mass, lighting of the Menorah, following the practices of Kwanzaa, to the rituals of Winter Solstice. Then, there are the societal traditions...exchanging of gifts, shopping, family gatherings, anticipation of St. Nicolas' arrival. Each family has there own tradition and deals with things uniquely, so how can one say exactly how "autism shapes their holiday" when it part of their life? What we can comment on is our individual family's holiday, and in sharing...find out just how much we do or do not share in common experience.

My tree didn't get decorated until two days before Christmas, the stress of having to move things from their designated place, and pulling out decorations really caused me alot of anxiety. So, I did it in baby steps...and eventually, albeit the last minute, got it completed. Then my daughter and I lay down under the branches and look up into the tree. It's like a fairyland, and I take great pride in sharing that tradition from my childhood with my kids every year. Just be careful of the needles, they can hurt! LOL

Shopping was not easy at all, the crowds were so thick I couldn't breathe and my son didn't deal well with the crowds either. Together we were a mess! But somehow, we gathered the strength and got it completed!

My son dealt with his anxiety this year by becoming obsessed with the song Bohemian Rhapsody. No Christmas Carols for us, just Bohemian Rhapsody again and again and again. We are lucky he is blessed with a pleasant voice and vibrant way when he is performing.

My daughter has been true to form, not asking for anything that is easy to find on her Christmas list. Her talent is finding the most obscure video games, books, toys and music. Then, since I procrastinate to shop due to finances and my own social anxiety...it becomes a true challenge for Saint Nicolas to find anything on her wish list. Sometimes, I wonder if her choices are her impish way of getting revenge...hmmmm.

My son is still convinced that whatever he wishes for will appear magically if only he wishes hard enough. The fact is, whatever awesome toy or game he might get, he loves to play with a pair of white plastic coat hangars the most. And, they are the toy that makes him the happiest. So, we usually wrap up a new pair of coat hangars and place under the tree to make up for the lack of a certain video game, family SUV and hi def TV. But still, St. Nicolas' "oversight" brought the expected meltdown of emotion, followed by a bout of yelling, then no less than thirty serenades of Bohemian Rhapsody and white coat hangars a-twirling!

So, Christmas Eve comes. We pose for our family picture in front of the tree. I'm thinking I got some great shots, and we go ahead with just doing some video and just sit the camera in the corner of the room. And wouldn't you know it, what video I did capture was of my daughter looking nauseous over her dad eating a smoked oyster, and a growing pile of wrapping paper. Forget the family portrait, I cannot find it on the memory card. So, not sure what button I pushed...just doesn't seem to have been the right one :( Guess we will just have to redo the shot again!

Was it a picture perfect Christmas? No way. Was it what we expected? Yes, and so much more. How did autism shape our holiday? I still don't know, but I'm sure it affected it. Our holiday is simply a few days together with the ones we love most, being ourselves without worry of shortcomings, celebrating our way. It's all we know. It's all we need. It didn't make a difference.